Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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