Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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