Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
