for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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