Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
