Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
