Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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