How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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