i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
