Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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