You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
