We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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