so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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