he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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