I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
