he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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