Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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