when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All the doctor said was why
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
