thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
