So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
