i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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