Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just blew my weed a kiss
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
