i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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