And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
