ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it's like iHOP with fire
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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