Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize