i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
