That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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