went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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