Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
