South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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