you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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