my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
