sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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