How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
