Four minutes until I can fart!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
