Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
