Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
