I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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