what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
