You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
