don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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