i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
