If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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