Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
