Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
