I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm just crazy horny about you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
