you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
