i think i have herpe
just one?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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