she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
