He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
