Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
