Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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