your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
