im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
