Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
