I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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