I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
