I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
