Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
