My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
