Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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