Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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