Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
