Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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