we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
