i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
