Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
