I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Are my feet made of real feet?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
