1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
