idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
