I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
