ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
