my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
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tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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