wat bout pragnant strippers??
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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