Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
